I got her a Nickelback box set.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
