I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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