Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
