Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
