Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
party gras won. party gras always wins.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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