Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
