I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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