Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
