what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
