just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
