I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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