I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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