Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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