i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
