I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
