dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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