He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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