You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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