I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i now understand why vodka
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
