you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
