i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
