I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
