It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
