Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
