Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
