pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
How's work?
Spinning.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
