Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
