Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
