Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
