The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
