do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
