party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
