Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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