the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
