those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
