those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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