Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
