i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
