My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
