i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
