My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
