He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Oh god it's open bar.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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