I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
