The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I am naked and annoyed.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
