Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
