do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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