oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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