we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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