You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
this must be what syphilis tastes like
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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