Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
