I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
