so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
