Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
