Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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