My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
