end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
