doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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