then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
