I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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